In which I celebrate a win and cry over my checkbook...

I did not do a lot of things this month that I had planned. (See: Life is what happens while I'm busy making plans) However, I did accomplish two amazing things - not counting the fact that I and the kids managed to not kill each other this month. That's a huge win... :)

Anyway, the first WIN was my National Novel Writing Challenge. I actually WON! :) It was not really a for sure thing until I got to the 28th. Then, with the AMAZING help of a good friend and writing buddy, I managed to crank out the last of my words. The Novel(s) aren't quite done (See: Last time I EVER try to write five novels in one month) but I've gotten a rhythm going. I think it might stick. (See: Cosmic Joke/Murphy's Law)

The second WIN was the balancing of my checkbook - well, OUR checkbook as it's the hubby who brings in the funds and me who ends up making sure I know where it all went that month.

I have a confession to make. This is the first time in my life that the checkbook has balanced out TO THE PENNY...

In the past, I've always missed SOMETHING and spent a whole lot of frustrating time trying to find the mistakes. Most of the time, I just said, 'Screw it' and quit balancing it.

Now, I think I've FINALLY gotten the hang of it. (See: Bloody, hellish math was never my strong suit) Don't laugh. I can add and subtract. I just can't stand the fact that it's actually a necessity in life. Most of the time, I love things that don't seem to make much sense. (See: Dear Husband)

For now, I'm enjoying my WINS and thanking God that I have a whole year to prepare for another NaNo challenge...I'm also having it out with Him that in order to steward HIS finances, I have to balance a checkbook every month...(See: weekly if I actually want it done right)

Whoever said life was fair, never balanced a checkbook...

Why did I choose to be the nerd in the family again?

In which I lament the loss of quality readers in this world

Until I can actually say I've published a novel and my name is in neon lights, I will refrain from bashing successful authors...

Much.

However, I have a bone to pick with the readers of my generation and after. Since I am a reader myself, I feel I have a bit of artistic license to pick bones with authors. All in the name of saving readers from themselve of course.

Readers:

THIS is good fiction.

Harry Potter is GOOD fiction.

Chronicles of Narnia, Emma, I'll even give you Jane Eyre even though she's not really my favorite character. These are works of fiction, recognized for their beauty and intelligence and creativity.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet.  Loved it. The Help? Great read even if it was a little difficult to follow. I loved The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. My tastes are pretty eclectic, though right now I'm on a fantasy kick. It kind of trends that way when I'm writing in a particular genre. I've heard that's a normal symptom for writers.

I will not name any names to protect the people damaged by the crappy writing, but a certain knock-off fanfiction for a particular vampire series is NOT good reading. It's not even close to good literature. I read the first chapter of each book. That was as far as I could go. Some people might say that was farther than I should have gone. (Sorry mom. I'm a writer AND I read - A LOT) I see words and just can't help myself.

Regardless, I wanted to have at least a minor idea of what the fuss was about. I regretted it as soon as it happened though.

You know those accidents on the freeway? The ones that cause MORE accidents because people's eyes just can't look away. Or train wrecks - pick your analogy.

I'm not one of those people who do the deer in the headlights thing with accidents - or train wrecks.

Reasons why said knock-off is not literature worthy of human perusal:

• The grammar, spelling, and format is atrocious. I am not perfect when it comes to grammatical issues. I'm pretty sure even editors can't claim that trait. However, whatever editor passed that work of fiction off to the printers ought to be ostracized. Give me their name. I don't want it on any of my future published works.
• The story was...oh who am I kidding? There WAS no story. What agent read the first ten pages of the manuscript and said, "Oh wow. This story is so riveting. I MUST get it published for my client." There is a rule of thumb that says a story must be gripping in the first pages or agents won't even look at it. Publishers and editors will send an instant rejection letter. That's what I was told anyway.
• I read the original work this story plagiarized. After the second time through THAT novel, I gagged down the poor grammar and editing. It was STILL better than the knock-off.
• I have NEVER read a protaganist I hated more than the protaganist whose name was changed to make it look like the story wasn't a knock off. The false humility in the first few pages just made her an unpleasant person - it also made her completely unbelievable.
• I'm all for romance and whirlwind fairy tale one at that. THIS novel is NOT romantic nor is it a fairy tale. I'm married, a romantic at heart, and pretty openminded about what goes on in our bedroom. What happens time and again in that novel is abuse. Plain and simple. As another author wrote here, the red flags are undeniable. (*note for my conservative readers: I do not agree with everything the author of this particular blog says regarding sexual relationships and if you are squeamish about language, etc., don't click the link. I AM agreeing with her take on the abusive nature of the novel in question)

The readers who went out and actually purchased copies of this novel - and its subsequent sequels - are condoning and encouraging the epidemic that seems to be plaguing our society. We are giving a crummy author millions of dollars - and putting her on the bestseller lists - for work that wasn't even hers and does NOTHING to add to our lives in any positive ways.

When my daughter and son grow up, I want them to read quality works of art. Books that educate and inspire, books that give hope or ask tough questions. I want books that will make them laugh and cry and get angry and dream. I don't want them to read books that will twist and distort a beautiful aspect of life and call it art.

It's like the artist who uses bodily fluids in their work. (Names not mentioned for GOOD reasons)

At the end of the day, what the artist calls ART, is just a pile of crap and other bodily fluids. We call it waste for a reason.

I am a reader. I know the value of words. I also know the limits I will go before the words have lost all value for me.

Shame on us for not demanding better of our authors, for discouraging quality in favor of...what? I still don't see the appeal.

I'm taking a writing course online right now in the hopes of improving my work and actually spending the time getting feedback on some of my old stuff.

It's great. The best part about it is that every assignment is a maximum of 500 words. So I am learning a LOT about making my writing tighter, more concise, and still maintaining the elements of the story.

This is one more step in the right direction I hope. And the thing that makes it all worth it is that the course itself is free! :-)

On another note: I hope to have a more regularly scheduled blog posting now that I have decided this is going to be in essence my personal journal. Not that I am going to be spilling ALL my secrets. But I will be using it as your window into my writing process - and my life as it were. :-)

So I will be seeing you all around.

Lessons on Surrender

To me, the very least of all saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unfathomable riches of Christ, ⁹ and to bring to light what is the administration of the mystery which for ages has been hidden in God who created all things; ¹⁰ so that the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known through the church to the rulers and the authorities in the heavenly places. ¹¹ This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, ¹² in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him. ¹³ Therefore I ask you not to lose heart at my tribulations on your behalf, for they are your glory.
 ¹⁴ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, ¹⁶ that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸ may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, ¹⁹ and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
 ²⁰ Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, ²¹ to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. ~ Ephesians 3:8-21

Everything, and I truly do mean EVERYTHING, has an eternal purpose. Most times, in my experience, it is completely unfathomable to our very limited human eyes and hearts.

I heard once that God's love was a side characteristic - a minor trait compared to his traits of justice, judgment, Truth, etc. Kind of like an afterword, almost forgotten, but not as important to consider as the rest of Him.

Is it blasphemy for me to disagree? To say that this viewpoint leads to fearful, cowardly retreat from a God whose hand is always just hovering above the SMITE button, just waiting for our puny little humanness to make ONE false move. To look on Him not with awe and reverence, but to hide in a corner, hoping we do nothing to catch His vindictive eye.

I don't buy it. You see, I know in my heart of hearts, that Love is the lens through which all of God's other traits are seen and felt and heard. I've seen it personally. I've felt it in the gentleness of His hand as I am lovingly chastised.

I've heard it in my son's cries as he hovered on the brink between two worlds - the base, earthy world of our human existence. And the eternal, heavenly world where God dwells in Holiness.

You think me melodramatic. You say, "Come on Sarah. Your son wasn't THAT sick. He fought off infection, or a minor virus and you just caught him at the worst time of his body's natural process. Stop being such a drama queen."

Perspective is a tricky thing. Especially when everyone's perspective is different and the situation may be easily read as quite different from another's eyes.

In my eyes, in the moment that I held my son's ice cold, pale body (even his tongue was devoid of color) I thought for certain that he was dying. My mother perspective lost it. If you are not a mother, you cannot fully comprehend a mother's perspective in this situation. Dramatic? Maybe. It doesn't make it wrong.

Do you know that God is FAITHFUL to do beyond anything we could ever imagine? I have surrendered my children to God - knowing that His hands and arms are the safest, most LOVING place for them to be.

That did not prevent me from still clinging tightly to my son as I begged God to not take him just yet. Claiming that surrender is a lot easier when it is just words, and it does not actually stop our mother-heart from fighting with every beat not to let go.

I know Luke is in God's hands. I know that he was created by God and only given to me as a temporary, beautiful gift to cherish and raise up in the ways of the Lord. I know this. I believe this.

That is why I don't believe it diminishes the mother-heart in me that tries desperately to say, "Thy will be done," while still holding on with everything to my child. Because regardless of the loan-nature of my son, he is my son. I don't think Mary felt that Jesus' status as the Son of God diminished her status as his mother. And can you blame her - or me? We carry this child within our womb for 40 weeks - sometimes more, sometimes less. Everything that we do during this time can either harm our child greatly, or nurture and sustain the growing life. We finally give them up to the cold, dark world, expelling them from our bodies with great pain and travail, only to cling to them and nourish them again at our breast for the first six months to a year or more of life. They are completely dependent on our care - or lack of it whatever the case may be.

We mothers have a bond with our children that only God or another mother can ever totally understand. And just as we would give our last, dying breath in exchange for the life of our child, and our place in the circle of heaven - being cast out into hell if necessary - for the eternal soul of our child; so too would God do the same, LOVING sacrifice for us.