A Love Letter to My Husband...

How do I love you? Let me count the ways...
I love that even though you work 50-70 hours a week, you still come home in the evening and play with our kids - who have been missing you like crazy all day long and loudly proclaim it.
I love that you unload AND load the dishwasher when I ask you out of desperation as I'm frantically trying to finish dinner in time for us to eat BEFORE the kids have to go to bed.
I love that you don't say a word when your work pants haven't been washed for two weeks and you still manage to wear them two or three times before I get to the lingering piles of laundry - that you trip over when you come home late from work.
I love that you have been patient with my mood swings, hormonal changes, and depressive phases - and you still want to have more babies with me even knowing what pregnancy does to said hormones and mood swings.
I love that you experiment with making food - and you don't give up until you actually make me something that's edible.
I love that you decided to shave your face until we got out of debt - even though you know I like you better with the facial hair.
I love that you are okay with me staying home and writing instead of using the degree I got into debt to get - so that some day in the future, I might actually bring in an income from the career of my dreams. Even though said debt is being paid off by your 50-70 hours a week.
I love that you said amen at the end of your speech at our wedding. Regardless of how much it made me laugh, it was SO apropos. So let it be...
I love that you are so desperate to be a good father to your daughter and son that you are willing to bend over backwards for them - even when you are tired and worn out.
I love that you don't care whether the housework is done as long as our kids are taken care of and loved - and my writing gets done...
I love that you read my stories - or force me to read them to you. It's good practice.
I love you for your off the wall humor and your visionary, questing spirit.
I love you.

In which some perspective is gained...sort of

If You Give A Mom A Muffin
by Kathy Fictorie
If you give a mom a muffin,
She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.
She’ll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she’ll find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She’ll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook (“101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger”).
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The check book is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year old’s diaper.
While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
And chances are…
If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

I am impressed by her creativity...and spot on assessment.

I didn't have a whole lot to say today, but I realized something in the middle of an exhausted haze. (see: random midnight poopy diaper and corresponding wide awake son for the rest of the night)
(see also: any and all grammar, spelling, or punctuation issues are results of said exhausted haze)
Other than the absolutely brainy lightbulb moment when I realized, "Oh wow. I guess I'm just really tired," I also concluded that it's okay to need time and space for myself. As long as that is not my biggest focus - i.e. my children and husband are number two and three respectively. If you don't know my number one priority, I am not shouting it loud enough.

I get that I am a wife and mother. I understand I am a woman of faith and responsible for maintaining my priorities in the correct order.

I also get that I'm human. And it's okay for me to be - for lack of a better word - human. I'm not going to get lightning striking me when I have a selfish moment. I won't be chastised or rebuked for liking my silence and solitude - especially since I don't have much of it nowadays.

I know that when I'm well-rested and refreshed from my quiet times, I respond with greater positivity to the situations and circumstances that surround me.

One of my aunts and I talked today for a little while. I liked what she told me, because I need to remember it more often. I may respond better in the rested times, but I also need to know that those times are not always available - especially in this phase of life. (see: zombie mom with smalls) However, it is my reaction during those exhausted, zombie-like times of life that are the true measure of my character and selflessness.

I will never be a mom who sends her kids to day care and spends all week long on manicures, book clubs, and living it up. Don't get me wrong; those things are not bad at all. I just know that for me, those things are not going to mean much in the light of my eternal perspective. And I need to remember that the eternal perspective is SO much bigger.

That's why I still love my kids and my husband after a long and exhausting day. That's why my housework fades into the background while I read the wonderful adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh - for the 5 millionth time. That's why my exhaustion may make me lose perspective - and well, everything else along the way - but it will not be permanent and it WILL pass.

Hey, I had time to write this blog didn't I?

Maybe I just need a refresher course on time management.

On Writing with the Voices in My Head

I hear voices in my head...seriously.

They tell me stories and pretty much dictate exactly how they will look, act, and feel on paper. The only time they control me is...well all the time I guess.

As long as I am in writer's mode anyway. Which pretty much is all the time. Just most of the time, I manage to suppress the voices when I am wearing my other hats - like mommy, wife, etc.

But yeah. I do hear voices. Some people don't believe me.

Others might want to have me committed.

I just say the voices are relatively harmless in that they only manage to deprive me of sleep, sustenance, and real relationships...that last one truly does impact my marriage at times. It's a good thing I have an understanding spouse. He's brilliant about handling my voices.

Honestly. I woke him up one night at two in the morning to tell him that I'd been awake for hours trying to argue the voices into sleeping until a more decent hour. His response?

Sarah, they aren't going to go away just because you are arguing with them. Just write down what they tell you and go back to sleep after they stop talking voluntarily.

 Of course, I don't think he was truly that coherent. But close enough. :-P

Of Planting and Harvesting

For the most part, gardening was a bust for us this year.

I have a lot to learn about the wonders of growing vegetables. How not to kill them being on the top of the list. We got an abundance of peppers - the hot ones - cherry tomatoes, and beans. BEANS.

Not that I am upset about the produce we did get.

It would just be nice if the carrots, corn, tomatoes - the big ones - peppers - the sweet ones - and beets had survived. I KILLED them. :(

This winter, I will be researching how not to kill my veggies. Because it's corny to say that I have no green thumb...especially when I have green BEANS coming out of my EARS.

And even I winced at the utter cheese in that last joke. :)

Cheers