I have always been a writer - since I learned my ABCs, I have been penning my thoughts and ideas on paper. I have filled up many, many, many journals and notebooks with stories, prayers, everyday ordinaries, and phenomenal events in my life. I have dreamed for years of becoming a published author and now is the first time in my life that I am actively pursuing that goal!
As a person whose natural tendencies sway toward laziness, you'd think a two week hiatus from heavy lifting, exertion, and work would sound like heaven.
Note to self: When the desire to be lazy gets overwhelming, remember not to injure myself in such a debilitating way. It's NOT WORTH IT...
I fell in the beginning of October. Some of my readers may already know the story, but I will not be sharing the embarrassing details on this blog. I'm just not that masochistic. The only thing you need to know about this story is that I fell. The resulting impact left me with a bruised and swollen left arm and a bruised and swollen right knee. And some major skin wounds that bled more when the scabs rubbed off on my clothing than the initial period of wounding.
Now they just itch like crazy.
But my arm and leg both still hurt - a LOT.
I'm okay with pain. I just did Tough Mudder last month, I've birthed two almost nine pound babies without the help of drugs, and I was in the ROTC for a short stint in college. I'm not a victim when it comes to pain and I usually don't let it slow me down.
Except of course when it gives me no other choice because it's screaming that its presence is necessary to remind me of the healing process taking place in some important joints and muscles.
Who'd a thunk it?
The first few days I thought, cool! Now DH can't complain that nothing is getting done around the house, because I have a darn good excuse.
Day four rolled around and I was starting to miss sleep. My arm and leg still hurt like crazy and do you know how difficult it is to chase a two year old around when you're crippled? I don't recommend it.
Day seven rolled by and I wanted to tear my hair out with the pain, insomnia, children who take advantage of their poor, injured mother's limitations, and a husband who left thinly veiled rebukes about the dirtiness of the house. Even though he said he understood.
It's day eleven. And I want to go into my garden and rip up all the old vines and plants by their roots...with BOTH hands.
In the realm of human limitations, I can't.
I have never felt so lazy, nor have I felt so powerless and incompetent than I have for the last eleven days...
Did I mention my kids have been sick throughout this whole ordeal? And my DH is working a lot of overtime.
God, if you keep me from EVER harming myself like that again, I promise I will never be lazy or use laziness as an excuse for why my house is not clean.
And I will clean my house on a regular basis too...just to sweeten the deal.
Deliver yourself like a gazelle from the hunter’s hand And like a bird from the hand of the fowler.
This is the theme verse for the Total Money Makeover.
If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else. ~ Dave Ramsey
This is the motto for the Total Money Makeover.
These are our mission statements for the next year. I will explain what I mean and then give an altar call of sorts - or a reverse altar call actually.
When Jake and I got married six years ago, we had debt. It's pretty normal right? Student loans, credit cards, car loans. It's the American Dream right?
Wrong. It's not OUR American Dream anyway.
By all accounts, we are living pretty well. We have a home (with a mortgage of course), two cars, really good degrees with the promise of jobs no matter where we move, and money left over at the end of the month.
And in five of our six years, we were living from month to month. Why? Because we were spending money we didn't have to get things we didn't need. Instead of tackling our debt and using our finances wisely (See: Stewarding God's resources), we did what every normal American couple/individual/family does.
So in our sixth year of marriage, we are stressed out. Not because we can't make ends meet. But because most of our money goes to pay off creditors instead of being used for the things we have long desired to give our money to.
Jake and I want to open our home as a ministry for those in need. We want to mentor other couples in their marriage and family and life issues. We want to take our kids on vacations to see exotic and new locations. We want our kids to go to college debt free. We want a MINIVAN so we can finally take uncramped vacations. We want to go out to eat once in a while. We WANT all these things.
We COULD have them guilt free but for one thing: the overwhelming amount of debt we owe to others. Our money is not ours to spend/save/give - because technically, it belongs to the ones we owe.
Proverbs 22:7, "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave of the lender" (NRSV).
Slaves - according to my estimation - aren't free to do much of anything except work and toil.
Frankly, Jake and I are sick to death of being slaves. We want to be free. And we want to pass down a legacy of freedom to our children and their children and their children and so on...
In the winter of 2010/2011, we took our first Financial Peace University class at our church. And in the first few months after the class, we paid off a HUGE amount of debt in our gazelle intensity. Several miracles occurred along the way to help encourage our enthusiasm. But as spring hit and the novelty wore off, something happened.
We lost the momentum. We lost our place and forgot our ultimate destination.
Until this month actually. August 2012. I finished my third straight zero-based budget and realized something.
We can actually do this. We could potentially be out of debt in one year's time, free from our masters and free to serve Christ alone. It's going to be hard and rice and beans will become a byword in our household.
But we are SICK of being slaves and sick of the cheetah catching us unaware.
So now we are making it public.
We have about $70,000 in debt (not counting our mortgage, which is baby step 6 in Dave Ramsey's plan so we won't worry about it yet) We will be scrimping and saving EVERY last penny until we get rid of our shackles and we need the help of our loved ones to do it.
Which brings me to our reverse altar call ~
We are planning on being a bit like hermits for this coming year. We will not be taking any trips save for the ones that have already been budgeted this month - before the gazelle intensity kicked in. We will not be dining out, we will not be attending theaters, plays, concerts, or anything that costs money purely for entertainment purposes. We will not be traveling to see family and friends (again, save for the couple weekends we already had etched in our budget i.e. my brother-in-law's wedding etc.) We will not be purchasing gifts - homemade ones will be the best we can give including food at this juncture. We will even be giving up our annual Christmas tree (my sacrifice) to save that $40 toward debt. We will be living ultra-frugally (coupons are WELCOME if you have reserves)
This is NOT because we don't like you or are isolating ourselves from the world. In a year's time, you will probably see so much of us that you will be sick of our faces. :-P *just kidding*
A year from now, we are already dreaming up our trip to Tennessee where Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Plaza is to scream out our debt free status on the radio. (Times and dates will be given later so you can listen in)
We want you guys and gals to celebrate with us a year from now, so the celebrations for this year are put on hold in order to get there.
For those of you who like to give us gifts for our birthdays and holidays, we (Jake and I) are requesting nothing unless it's cash toward our debt or a hot meal once in a while. And THAT is not a plea for help. Just a preference. :-)
If you wish to see us during this intense time, feel free to drop by (let us know in advance so we can add some veggies or homemade ice cream to our rice and beans meal...) :-P
Just know that Jake will more than likely be working late and I will be keeping the home fires burning (and doing whatever odd jobs come my way). I tutor, babysit, walk dogs, garden, edit papers/manuscripts, and clean houses - let me know what you need and we can talk pricing.
Jake and I take great joy in this endeavor of ours and I also weep many tears knowing that our stupidity for the last few years has gotten us here in the first place. But we are not going to continue down that path.
Prayers and your understanding of our goal are the best things you can give at this time. We love you all and we WANT so desperately to be involved in your lives and friendships - but we want to do it without the weight of debt hanging over us.
Feel free to call or write during this time with encouragement, prayers, or questions. We are completely open and will not be offended if you think we're crazy...
(See: Dave Ramsey for further information about our journey)
Thank you for your support and love during this time! We love you all.
If You Give A Mom A Muffin by Kathy Fictorie
If you give a mom a muffin,
She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.
She’ll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she’ll find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She’ll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook (“101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger”).
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The check book is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year old’s diaper.
While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
And chances are…
If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
I am impressed by her creativity...and spot on assessment.
I didn't have a whole lot to say today, but I realized something in the middle of an exhausted haze. (see: random midnight poopy diaper and corresponding wide awake son for the rest of the night)
(see also: any and all grammar, spelling, or punctuation issues are results of said exhausted haze)
Other than the absolutely brainy lightbulb moment when I realized, "Oh wow. I guess I'm just really tired," I also concluded that it's okay to need time and space for myself. As long as that is not my biggest focus - i.e. my children and husband are number two and three respectively. If you don't know my number one priority, I am not shouting it loud enough.
I get that I am a wife and mother. I understand I am a woman of faith and responsible for maintaining my priorities in the correct order.
I also get that I'm human. And it's okay for me to be - for lack of a better word - human. I'm not going to get lightning striking me when I have a selfish moment. I won't be chastised or rebuked for liking my silence and solitude - especially since I don't have much of it nowadays.
I know that when I'm well-rested and refreshed from my quiet times, I respond with greater positivity to the situations and circumstances that surround me.
One of my aunts and I talked today for a little while. I liked what she told me, because I need to remember it more often. I may respond better in the rested times, but I also need to know that those times are not always available - especially in this phase of life. (see: zombie mom with smalls) However, it is my reaction during those exhausted, zombie-like times of life that are the true measure of my character and selflessness.
I will never be a mom who sends her kids to day care and spends all week long on manicures, book clubs, and living it up. Don't get me wrong; those things are not bad at all. I just know that for me, those things are not going to mean much in the light of my eternal perspective. And I need to remember that the eternal perspective is SO much bigger.
That's why I still love my kids and my husband after a long and exhausting day. That's why my housework fades into the background while I read the wonderful adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh - for the 5 millionth time. That's why my exhaustion may make me lose perspective - and well, everything else along the way - but it will not be permanent and it WILL pass.
Hey, I had time to write this blog didn't I?
Maybe I just need a refresher course on time management.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I'm taking a writing course online right now in the hopes of improving my work and actually spending the time getting feedback on some of my old stuff.
It's great. The best part about it is that every assignment is a maximum of 500 words. So I am learning a LOT about making my writing tighter, more concise, and still maintaining the elements of the story.
This is one more step in the right direction I hope. And the thing that makes it all worth it is that the course itself is free! :-)
On another note: I hope to have a more regularly scheduled blog posting now that I have decided this is going to be in essence my personal journal. Not that I am going to be spilling ALL my secrets. But I will be using it as your window into my writing process - and my life as it were. :-)
Success? If spewing out over 26,000 words in 72 hours to form a complete, mostly coherent novel is not a success, I don't know what is! :)
I did it! I DID IT! By God's grace alone, I did it. :)
Last year definitely felt easier and less pressured. Probably because I had fewer words to contain with and my storyline was massively outlined in my head before I started typing.
This was also a harder year, because in some ways it was a harder topic to write. I've seen the process of dying before, so writing it comes a little more easily to me.
I've never (knowingly) seen an angel before or interacted with one (that I know of) so to portray it accurately enough without delving into blasphemy is definitely a challenge for me. Really though, despite its greater than ever challenge this year, I enjoyed my experience a whole lot more than last year.
Maybe because I have one under my belt. I knew a bit more what to expect. But more than anything, I really enjoyed just writing for the pleasure of it. To craft a story using elements from my own life but also many elements from my crazy imagination (and 27 years of experience with life) - let me tell you it was FUN.
The Hannah Center project did not go as well as I wanted, but given the time frame with which I threw everything together, I have to say that it was more than I expected. And there are still a few more people who have verbally said they would give. (They just have a love/hate relationship with technology apparently)
So all in all, the weekend was a resounding success. I have learned a lot about myself, a lot about my purpose in life, and a lot about the art of writing.
Even if the only thing I get from the contest is a sticker and a pretty certificate, I will joy in the journey I took to get them. :)
It's almost here. My heart has been going through these periods of leaping about in nervous palpitations; however, I cannot say that is altogether unhealthy for me.
Last year's contest was an intro into a whole new world of writing. And with no safety gear to protect me from the aftermath. Moreover, I find that it was one of the best things to ever happen to me!
Life is a beautiful, chaotic, crazy, amazing mess when lived to as full a potential as is humanly possible. With God at the center?
I am pretty certain Life cannot get any better than this! :)
You know it's interesting to note that in times of spiritual high, sometimes it's also a time of great testing. Job was one of the most faithful, righteous men on earth and yet during his massive soul-searching journey, he also went through massive physical and Spiritual soul-surgery.
I have been feeling the pain of soul-surgery as God teaches me surrender at the highest levels. Yet He is gentle - SO gentle in his chastisement and unfailing love. Have you read Job lately? God's questioning of the man at the end definitely seems to have a bit of a sarcastically humorous twist to it. Though He tells Job to "Man up and shut his mouth", God could definitely have taught him in a harsh and punishing way if He so desired.
So this year's contest is not only going to stretch me physically, but I am really hoping - and praying - for a stretching of my spiritual senses. As is my experience with prayer in the past, I realize that I am praying for something that could very easily test me in ways I did not expect or even necessarily want. However, I have also come to learn that praying intentionally for God to do His work in me is never something I should fear.
In fact, it has always been a lesson that is only fully experienced and understood when I embrace it with everything that I am...
See? I told you I was learning about surrender. :-D
The Jews sinned in this matter worse than the Pagans not because they were further from God but because they were nearer to Him. For the Supernatural, entering a human soul, opens it to new possibilities both of good and evil. From that point the road branches: one way to sanctity, love, and humility, the other to spiritual pride, self-righteousness, persecuting zeal. And no way back to the mere humdrum virtues and vices of the unawakened soul. If the Divine call does not make us better, it will make us very much worse. Of all bad men religious bad men are the worst. Of all the created beings the wickedest is the one who originally stood in the immediate presence of God. There seems no way out of this. It gives new application to Our Lord's words about "counting the cost."
The sin that the Jews supposedly committed in this passage was found in several rather violent Psalms in the Old Testament. If you listen or read the words of David or any of the other anonymous writers, often times they curse and rail and call condemnation on their enemies with a ferocity that would make a sailor blush. Though it just sounds like angry poetry to us English-speakers, in their own language the curses are obvious and grating.
And yet these telling, controversial passages are found in the Scriptures.
Hmmmmm...
I am not a perfect person and heck, I don't even come CLOSE to the furthest reaches of perfection. Long, long, long way to go. It's evident in my marriage and my parenting.
But I am NOT finished and I am definitely still excited to see where this journey takes me. I prefer consistent advances in maturity as opposed to sinless perfection. :-)
