I have always been a writer - since I learned my ABCs, I have been penning my thoughts and ideas on paper. I have filled up many, many, many journals and notebooks with stories, prayers, everyday ordinaries, and phenomenal events in my life. I have dreamed for years of becoming a published author and now is the first time in my life that I am actively pursuing that goal!
I'm thankful for the friends and support structure we have around us. We may have roots here in the Midwest, but the people in our lives give us wings as well.
Without going into exhaustive detail, my husband and I have been struggling (See: wrestling) with a decision. As we seem to do when life-changing decisions happen in our family, we pray (See: desperation, need, dependence on God), we sometimes fast, and we ask for wise counsel.
We also test God. (See: Malachi) Our whole desire as a couple, as individuals, as parents...is to do God's Will. We don't always do it right and we are far from perfect. However, we want so desperately to stick to His plan. So we call on His promises and we surrender our Tithe (the firstfruits of everything we have...not just money).
Then we wait and see how He provides - answers, abundance, life.
So this decision. We put up the test. Called on His promises...
And he decided to teach us something (See: Reteach, because we are kind of sort of stubborn and thick-headed)
Without going into exhaustive detail, the lesson that keeps coming back to us is this: That WE may plan our way. But the Lord God directs our footsteps. (See: Proverbs 16:9)
I haven't learned yet to Never say Never...
I get why God asks us not to make promises, but just yes and no. Because the promises often come back to bite me in the rear. Yes and No seem to be a bit more flexible for some reason. It leaves us open to God's Will as we are not held to obligations or guilt from broken promises.
It's an interesting idea this planning of our way. I love dreaming up the future and thinking over the big picture. It's just not always smart to keep those as expectations, not just dreams. Disappointment comes when I cling too tightly to my dreams.
All that to say, I think we are the semi-proud owners of a cat...
I'm going to go on record and say that if you are not married or you are under the age of eighteen, I would strongly advise not reading past this point. This contains adult material and is not age appropriate for children, though I don't belive there is anything morally wrong with what I say here.
I am a normal, healthy girl with a bit of an above average, highly enjoyable sex life. And that is all I will ever expound upon regarding personal intimacy with my husband. However, for the purposes of this blog post, I wanted to make it clear that I have experience in this topic - not as one who spends her time in erotic novels wishing for ideas to spice up her marriage bed, but as one who realizes that all the erotic fiction in the world isn't going to do squat for me or my husband. In fact, it just may end up damaging our relationship when expectations and objectionable values drive a wedge between spouses who vowed before God to love, honor, and cherish one another for as long as we both live.
I'm sorry. Comparing one's spouse to a sadistic, abusive, controlling, psychopathic freak to "spice" up one's bedroom life is not my idea of a healthy romance.
I will halt my commentary by prefacing something. I have not actually read the 50 Shades trilogy save for the opening chapter of each book. (honestly, even if the sexual aspect of the books hadn't been such a strong turn-off, the poor grammar and context would have had me burning the atrocities) I have read commentaries, news articles, and heard secondhand reports from the readers of "mommy-porn" as to its general storyline. I have perused both the secular and Christian insights into this novelty (yes, pun intended) and have formed my conclusions based on that.
One other preface. I have read both Christian and secular novels with tasteful love scenes. I have nothing against the implications of sex in a fictional work because it is just that - fictional. However, I do take high offense to an author who's made millions on trashy, raunchy porn all because our society clamors for immature, poorly written material to fulfill their sexual fantasies.
It's no better than the pornographic websites we in the Christian world speak out against, and yet many God-honoring people justify it. Why?
An article I recently read is what set me off today. Author of 50 Shades of Grey, E.L. James stated that her novels were meant to be a holiday for ladies from their husbands. In the same article, a woman filed for divorce because her husband refused to pretend to be the novel's main character - Christian Grey. Apparently, her marital bed wasn't spicy or satisfying enough and her fantasies had dissolved into lust for a fictional character whose main goal in life was controlling every last move and thought of his naive and petty girlfriend/wife.
WHAT?
The husband in the newstory was actually hoping to expedite the divorce process for a variety of reasons. I will never condone divorce as an option, but in the husband's case, I almost wish him godspeed in getting out of THAT unhealthy, damaging relationship.
A HOLIDAY FROM ONE'S HUSBAND? Are you kidding me? I have choice words running through my head and none of them are pleasant or "Christ-like". Instead I will say this...
Sorry E.L. James. I don't need a holiday from my husband. Especially to fantasize about an abusive, controlling psychopath in a crappy work of fiction based on another ALMOST equally crappy work of fiction.
My husband is worth a THOUSAND of your stupid, immature fantasies. I will take one night with him over hundreds with the supposed dream guy in your novels. Nothing about that man you wrote is a dream - I'd call it a nightmare of hellish proportions.
I've also seen several commentaries on what the authors called "true BDSM" as opposed to the fudged version in Jame's work. I won't judge another's lifestyle, but I will say this.
My husband was my first and only partner. I have no need of the kinky and pain-filled fetishes and practices of that particular brand of sex to satisfy either of us. We don't need to watch porn or read erotica or participate in bondage and domination to find a spicy, satisfying intimate relationship. And I can tell you 100% that the relationship we have is healthy and pure. We are open and honest with one another, we love each other as unconditionally as two humans can, and our family life proves it.
Are we perfect? No. Are we always lovey-dovey and romantic? Not at all.
But I can tell you that we honor God when we come together and we serve one another before meeting our own needs.
This trend towards fantasy, fiction, and play-acting disturbs me. Mainly because if you can't find satisfaction with your lover alone, if you cannot be content with one another and give to one another without the assistance of a fantasy world - and a dark, disturbing one at that - what else are you unsatisfied with in life? What else drives your discontent and leads you to seek out alternate means of happiness or fulfillment?
My dear daughter has spunk, attitude, and humor. Some would call her contrary (including me when the mood fits) and others would call her a free spirit.
My son is fearless, (except when he turns the vacuum cleaner on and freaks himself out - gets himself EVERY time...) fresh, and flirtatious. Some would call him stubborn (including me when I've had enough) and others call him determined.
I love them. And I love capturing their personalities on camera! So much is forgotten or missed when I don't. All the cute captions and smiles.
All right. I have to wonder how many of my 'readers' are actually human beings and not cyberdroids pinging this site whenever key words pop up on their radars.
So I'm going to ask a question to see if I'm just flapping my jaws in the wind - or whatever that phrase is - or if my readers actually care what I write about.
Question: Are you human?
I feel like one of those weird scientist people asking if there's life on Mars and if so, is it humanoid or some other unknown?
In other news, I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo2012 and if you're a writer and you don't get your hands dirty with this challenge, you ain't worth your salt. :)
No, I'm kidding. I did read on another blog post just yesterday by an editor acquaintance of mine - Jamie Chavez - that some published authors are a bit snobbish when it comes to NaNo. Apparently, it's not worth the time of day or it's an insult to all the hard work they do to think that just ANYONE can write 50,000 words in a month.
I'd say I was insulted, but as an unpublished writer, it just made me laugh really hard. Why on earth would I care what a published author thought about my taking up a writing challenge? To me, it's a great excuse for family members when I ask for more childcare. Plus, I get to mingle with other writers and budding writers on their path to self-fulfillment (See: publication, bucket list completion, general socialization with intelligent life after being stuck in the house with babbling toddlers all day long)
Yeah, that last one is me...so is the first example.
Anyway, I'm doing a half-rebel, half-NaNoer thing this November. I will be working on a new manuscript, but I'm also in the process of completely revamping my fairy tale. I'll hopefully be adding updates and insights into my experiences this month. If not daily then weekly at the least. (because I am human and have other obligations)
I'm going to be participating in some write-ins (See: a bunch of adults and teens/preadolescents getting together to stare at their respective computer screens/notebooks and attempt to create word art.), brainstorming with my long-suffering husband, and looking for childcare in exchange for good homecooking (See: blog post about budgeting/debt free challenge)
Along the way, I'll be looking for support in the form of love, prayers, money (See: start-up costs to publishing), and a lot of laughter. This should be great fun and a whole new adventure. I'd love it if I had company along the way (See: as long as you don't expect me to actually be social while my nose is stuck in my computer)
My daughter's preschool teacher just informed me that DD is rather contrary. As in, she likes to take the position of Devil's Advocate in most of the daily activities.
She's four years old.
In no way am I being disrespectful when I say that she is her father's daughter. Exasperated, yes. Disrespectful, no. I try to laugh when I discover the arguments between my DH and I are all because he decided he wanted to shake things up by taking the opposing side. Even though he agreed that I was right...
GAH!
So I can call my little darling a free thinker, or I can get panicked that she's got a stubborn streak a mile wide and it's mostly my fault.
For one, I've got the same stubborn streak - and it sucks.
Two, I have discovered recently that I've been parenting the same way I do pretty much everything else in life.
By the seat of my pants.
The funny thing is, pantsing parenthood just doesn't seem to work all that well. I mean, who'd have thought that quick reactions, too much flexibilty, and a lack of consistency in routine and disciplien would have such a hugely detrimental effect on a child?
Thing is, we started out pretty good. I remember, I didn't lose my temper with DD in the first two years of her life. Not once. I was calm, cool, collected, and I even did the consistency thing.
Then we stopped moving around the country and settled down in a small midwestern town. I'm amused at the irony of that statement. The instant we get into a stable environment, my carefully planned parenting goes OUT the window.
Of course, it might have had something to do with the arrival of the second child. He did manage to shake our world up a bit.
I'm a writer. I don't really follow a schedule, outlines screw me up (unless I outline after the manuscript is written), every day my writing looks a little different. I'm not one to follow the norm, and I love being flexible with my time and resources. (Hence the getting out of debt so we CAN be more flexible with resources)...
The point is, I'm a pantser. I like not having a plan. Sure, a to-do list once in a while is okay and I don't mind having a vague schedule - especially if there are non-negotiables in the calendar. However, most of these issues are - strangely enough - negotiable, and more like guidelines anyway.
I injured myself recently and don't like the limitations that puts on me. However, I much prefer socializing, writing, playing, and reading to cleaning, appointments, and structure.
I agree, I can take it to the extreme of laziness. For the most part, however, it's just the way I thrive the most. Lost in a sort of offbeat rhythm, each day a different song to sing and dance to. I'm okay with the unknown and I love the excitement of spontaneity.
Parenting, therefore, is a huge weak spot for me. I'm not ashamed to admit it, but it does land like a cold dose of reality in my gut. I wanted to be a mom my whole life, and I don't think I'm doing that good a job at it. In part because of the epic failure of pantsing it and in part because I just didn't have realistic expectations of what my mommyhood was going to look like.
Deliver yourself like a gazelle from the hunter’s hand And like a bird from the hand of the fowler.
This is the theme verse for the Total Money Makeover.
If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else. ~ Dave Ramsey
This is the motto for the Total Money Makeover.
These are our mission statements for the next year. I will explain what I mean and then give an altar call of sorts - or a reverse altar call actually.
When Jake and I got married six years ago, we had debt. It's pretty normal right? Student loans, credit cards, car loans. It's the American Dream right?
Wrong. It's not OUR American Dream anyway.
By all accounts, we are living pretty well. We have a home (with a mortgage of course), two cars, really good degrees with the promise of jobs no matter where we move, and money left over at the end of the month.
And in five of our six years, we were living from month to month. Why? Because we were spending money we didn't have to get things we didn't need. Instead of tackling our debt and using our finances wisely (See: Stewarding God's resources), we did what every normal American couple/individual/family does.
So in our sixth year of marriage, we are stressed out. Not because we can't make ends meet. But because most of our money goes to pay off creditors instead of being used for the things we have long desired to give our money to.
Jake and I want to open our home as a ministry for those in need. We want to mentor other couples in their marriage and family and life issues. We want to take our kids on vacations to see exotic and new locations. We want our kids to go to college debt free. We want a MINIVAN so we can finally take uncramped vacations. We want to go out to eat once in a while. We WANT all these things.
We COULD have them guilt free but for one thing: the overwhelming amount of debt we owe to others. Our money is not ours to spend/save/give - because technically, it belongs to the ones we owe.
Proverbs 22:7, "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave of the lender" (NRSV).
Slaves - according to my estimation - aren't free to do much of anything except work and toil.
Frankly, Jake and I are sick to death of being slaves. We want to be free. And we want to pass down a legacy of freedom to our children and their children and their children and so on...
In the winter of 2010/2011, we took our first Financial Peace University class at our church. And in the first few months after the class, we paid off a HUGE amount of debt in our gazelle intensity. Several miracles occurred along the way to help encourage our enthusiasm. But as spring hit and the novelty wore off, something happened.
We lost the momentum. We lost our place and forgot our ultimate destination.
Until this month actually. August 2012. I finished my third straight zero-based budget and realized something.
We can actually do this. We could potentially be out of debt in one year's time, free from our masters and free to serve Christ alone. It's going to be hard and rice and beans will become a byword in our household.
But we are SICK of being slaves and sick of the cheetah catching us unaware.
So now we are making it public.
We have about $70,000 in debt (not counting our mortgage, which is baby step 6 in Dave Ramsey's plan so we won't worry about it yet) We will be scrimping and saving EVERY last penny until we get rid of our shackles and we need the help of our loved ones to do it.
Which brings me to our reverse altar call ~
We are planning on being a bit like hermits for this coming year. We will not be taking any trips save for the ones that have already been budgeted this month - before the gazelle intensity kicked in. We will not be dining out, we will not be attending theaters, plays, concerts, or anything that costs money purely for entertainment purposes. We will not be traveling to see family and friends (again, save for the couple weekends we already had etched in our budget i.e. my brother-in-law's wedding etc.) We will not be purchasing gifts - homemade ones will be the best we can give including food at this juncture. We will even be giving up our annual Christmas tree (my sacrifice) to save that $40 toward debt. We will be living ultra-frugally (coupons are WELCOME if you have reserves)
This is NOT because we don't like you or are isolating ourselves from the world. In a year's time, you will probably see so much of us that you will be sick of our faces. :-P *just kidding*
A year from now, we are already dreaming up our trip to Tennessee where Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Plaza is to scream out our debt free status on the radio. (Times and dates will be given later so you can listen in)
We want you guys and gals to celebrate with us a year from now, so the celebrations for this year are put on hold in order to get there.
For those of you who like to give us gifts for our birthdays and holidays, we (Jake and I) are requesting nothing unless it's cash toward our debt or a hot meal once in a while. And THAT is not a plea for help. Just a preference. :-)
If you wish to see us during this intense time, feel free to drop by (let us know in advance so we can add some veggies or homemade ice cream to our rice and beans meal...) :-P
Just know that Jake will more than likely be working late and I will be keeping the home fires burning (and doing whatever odd jobs come my way). I tutor, babysit, walk dogs, garden, edit papers/manuscripts, and clean houses - let me know what you need and we can talk pricing.
Jake and I take great joy in this endeavor of ours and I also weep many tears knowing that our stupidity for the last few years has gotten us here in the first place. But we are not going to continue down that path.
Prayers and your understanding of our goal are the best things you can give at this time. We love you all and we WANT so desperately to be involved in your lives and friendships - but we want to do it without the weight of debt hanging over us.
Feel free to call or write during this time with encouragement, prayers, or questions. We are completely open and will not be offended if you think we're crazy...
(See: Dave Ramsey for further information about our journey)
Thank you for your support and love during this time! We love you all.
If You Give A Mom A Muffin by Kathy Fictorie
If you give a mom a muffin,
She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.
She’ll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she’ll find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She’ll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook (“101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger”).
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The check book is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year old’s diaper.
While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
And chances are…
If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
I am impressed by her creativity...and spot on assessment.
I didn't have a whole lot to say today, but I realized something in the middle of an exhausted haze. (see: random midnight poopy diaper and corresponding wide awake son for the rest of the night)
(see also: any and all grammar, spelling, or punctuation issues are results of said exhausted haze)
Other than the absolutely brainy lightbulb moment when I realized, "Oh wow. I guess I'm just really tired," I also concluded that it's okay to need time and space for myself. As long as that is not my biggest focus - i.e. my children and husband are number two and three respectively. If you don't know my number one priority, I am not shouting it loud enough.
I get that I am a wife and mother. I understand I am a woman of faith and responsible for maintaining my priorities in the correct order.
I also get that I'm human. And it's okay for me to be - for lack of a better word - human. I'm not going to get lightning striking me when I have a selfish moment. I won't be chastised or rebuked for liking my silence and solitude - especially since I don't have much of it nowadays.
I know that when I'm well-rested and refreshed from my quiet times, I respond with greater positivity to the situations and circumstances that surround me.
One of my aunts and I talked today for a little while. I liked what she told me, because I need to remember it more often. I may respond better in the rested times, but I also need to know that those times are not always available - especially in this phase of life. (see: zombie mom with smalls) However, it is my reaction during those exhausted, zombie-like times of life that are the true measure of my character and selflessness.
I will never be a mom who sends her kids to day care and spends all week long on manicures, book clubs, and living it up. Don't get me wrong; those things are not bad at all. I just know that for me, those things are not going to mean much in the light of my eternal perspective. And I need to remember that the eternal perspective is SO much bigger.
That's why I still love my kids and my husband after a long and exhausting day. That's why my housework fades into the background while I read the wonderful adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh - for the 5 millionth time. That's why my exhaustion may make me lose perspective - and well, everything else along the way - but it will not be permanent and it WILL pass.
Hey, I had time to write this blog didn't I?
Maybe I just need a refresher course on time management.
To me, the very least of all saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unfathomable riches of Christ, 9 and to bring to light what is the administration of the mystery which for ages has been hidden in God who created all things; 10 so that the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known through the church to the rulers and the authorities in the heavenly places. 11This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, 12 in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him. 13 Therefore I ask you not to lose heart at my tribulations on your behalf, for they are your glory. 14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. ~ Ephesians 3:8-21
Everything, and I truly do mean EVERYTHING, has an eternal purpose. Most times, in my experience, it is completely unfathomable to our very limited human eyes and hearts.
I heard once that God's love was a side characteristic - a minor trait compared to his traits of justice, judgment, Truth, etc. Kind of like an afterword, almost forgotten, but not as important to consider as the rest of Him.
Is it blasphemy for me to disagree? To say that this viewpoint leads to fearful, cowardly retreat from a God whose hand is always just hovering above the SMITE button, just waiting for our puny little humanness to make ONE false move. To look on Him not with awe and reverence, but to hide in a corner, hoping we do nothing to catch His vindictive eye.
I don't buy it. You see, I know in my heart of hearts, that Love is the lens through which all of God's other traits are seen and felt and heard. I've seen it personally. I've felt it in the gentleness of His hand as I am lovingly chastised.
I've heard it in my son's cries as he hovered on the brink between two worlds - the base, earthy world of our human existence. And the eternal, heavenly world where God dwells in Holiness.
You think me melodramatic. You say, "Come on Sarah. Your son wasn't THAT sick. He fought off infection, or a minor virus and you just caught him at the worst time of his body's natural process. Stop being such a drama queen."
Perspective is a tricky thing. Especially when everyone's perspective is different and the situation may be easily read as quite different from another's eyes.
In my eyes, in the moment that I held my son's ice cold, pale body (even his tongue was devoid of color) I thought for certain that he was dying. My mother perspective lost it. If you are not a mother, you cannot fully comprehend a mother's perspective in this situation. Dramatic? Maybe. It doesn't make it wrong.
Do you know that God is FAITHFUL to do beyond anything we could ever imagine? I have surrendered my children to God - knowing that His hands and arms are the safest, most LOVING place for them to be.
That did not prevent me from still clinging tightly to my son as I begged God to not take him just yet. Claiming that surrender is a lot easier when it is just words, and it does not actually stop our mother-heart from fighting with every beat not to let go.
I know Luke is in God's hands. I know that he was created by God and only given to me as a temporary, beautiful gift to cherish and raise up in the ways of the Lord. I know this. I believe this.
That is why I don't believe it diminishes the mother-heart in me that tries desperately to say, "Thy will be done," while still holding on with everything to my child. Because regardless of the loan-nature of my son, he is my son. I don't think Mary felt that Jesus' status as the Son of God diminished her status as his mother. And can you blame her - or me? We carry this child within our womb for 40 weeks - sometimes more, sometimes less. Everything that we do during this time can either harm our child greatly, or nurture and sustain the growing life. We finally give them up to the cold, dark world, expelling them from our bodies with great pain and travail, only to cling to them and nourish them again at our breast for the first six months to a year or more of life. They are completely dependent on our care - or lack of it whatever the case may be.
We mothers have a bond with our children that only God or another mother can ever totally understand. And just as we would give our last, dying breath in exchange for the life of our child, and our place in the circle of heaven - being cast out into hell if necessary - for the eternal soul of our child; so too would God do the same, LOVING sacrifice for us.
Success? If spewing out over 26,000 words in 72 hours to form a complete, mostly coherent novel is not a success, I don't know what is! :)
I did it! I DID IT! By God's grace alone, I did it. :)
Last year definitely felt easier and less pressured. Probably because I had fewer words to contain with and my storyline was massively outlined in my head before I started typing.
This was also a harder year, because in some ways it was a harder topic to write. I've seen the process of dying before, so writing it comes a little more easily to me.
I've never (knowingly) seen an angel before or interacted with one (that I know of) so to portray it accurately enough without delving into blasphemy is definitely a challenge for me. Really though, despite its greater than ever challenge this year, I enjoyed my experience a whole lot more than last year.
Maybe because I have one under my belt. I knew a bit more what to expect. But more than anything, I really enjoyed just writing for the pleasure of it. To craft a story using elements from my own life but also many elements from my crazy imagination (and 27 years of experience with life) - let me tell you it was FUN.
The Hannah Center project did not go as well as I wanted, but given the time frame with which I threw everything together, I have to say that it was more than I expected. And there are still a few more people who have verbally said they would give. (They just have a love/hate relationship with technology apparently)
So all in all, the weekend was a resounding success. I have learned a lot about myself, a lot about my purpose in life, and a lot about the art of writing.
Even if the only thing I get from the contest is a sticker and a pretty certificate, I will joy in the journey I took to get them. :)
It's almost here. My heart has been going through these periods of leaping about in nervous palpitations; however, I cannot say that is altogether unhealthy for me.
Last year's contest was an intro into a whole new world of writing. And with no safety gear to protect me from the aftermath. Moreover, I find that it was one of the best things to ever happen to me!
Life is a beautiful, chaotic, crazy, amazing mess when lived to as full a potential as is humanly possible. With God at the center?
I am pretty certain Life cannot get any better than this! :)
You know it's interesting to note that in times of spiritual high, sometimes it's also a time of great testing. Job was one of the most faithful, righteous men on earth and yet during his massive soul-searching journey, he also went through massive physical and Spiritual soul-surgery.
I have been feeling the pain of soul-surgery as God teaches me surrender at the highest levels. Yet He is gentle - SO gentle in his chastisement and unfailing love. Have you read Job lately? God's questioning of the man at the end definitely seems to have a bit of a sarcastically humorous twist to it. Though He tells Job to "Man up and shut his mouth", God could definitely have taught him in a harsh and punishing way if He so desired.
So this year's contest is not only going to stretch me physically, but I am really hoping - and praying - for a stretching of my spiritual senses. As is my experience with prayer in the past, I realize that I am praying for something that could very easily test me in ways I did not expect or even necessarily want. However, I have also come to learn that praying intentionally for God to do His work in me is never something I should fear.
In fact, it has always been a lesson that is only fully experienced and understood when I embrace it with everything that I am...
See? I told you I was learning about surrender. :-D
The Jews sinned in this matter worse than the Pagans not because they were further from God but because they were nearer to Him. For the Supernatural, entering a human soul, opens it to new possibilities both of good and evil. From that point the road branches: one way to sanctity, love, and humility, the other to spiritual pride, self-righteousness, persecuting zeal. And no way back to the mere humdrum virtues and vices of the unawakened soul. If the Divine call does not make us better, it will make us very much worse. Of all bad men religious bad men are the worst. Of all the created beings the wickedest is the one who originally stood in the immediate presence of God. There seems no way out of this. It gives new application to Our Lord's words about "counting the cost."
The sin that the Jews supposedly committed in this passage was found in several rather violent Psalms in the Old Testament. If you listen or read the words of David or any of the other anonymous writers, often times they curse and rail and call condemnation on their enemies with a ferocity that would make a sailor blush. Though it just sounds like angry poetry to us English-speakers, in their own language the curses are obvious and grating.
And yet these telling, controversial passages are found in the Scriptures.
Hmmmmm...
I am not a perfect person and heck, I don't even come CLOSE to the furthest reaches of perfection. Long, long, long way to go. It's evident in my marriage and my parenting.
But I am NOT finished and I am definitely still excited to see where this journey takes me. I prefer consistent advances in maturity as opposed to sinless perfection. :-)
I have never felt the necessity of community living quite as strongly as I do now. No. Not communal. COMMUNITY. I did the communal thing as the oldest of seven children and let me tell you; sharing one bathroom was a nightmare.
What I am talking about is a network of friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances, and distant pen pals all connecting with one another based on common interests, ideals, dreams, and/or worldviews. A community (define: a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists)
I have a passion and a dream for writing. My imagination, creativity, and the hands with which to hold the pen, were all given to me by the Creator God to use for His glory – but also to use for the enjoyment and benefit of myself and others.
Up until now, I have practiced my writing in relative anonymity, sharing only rarely with those I trust. Now, I am claiming this talent as my own God-given gift and no longer burying it in the sand where it cannot reap five, ten, or a hundred-fold the benefits of actively putting it to use.
I am asking you all to join me on this journey. Living with me through my joys and sorrows, my glorious successes and magnificent failures that all come as a package deal when pursuing a writing career. Lift my family up in prayer. (Coffee and the occasional meal is also most welcome, especially when my writing is at its peak. I won’t ask anyone to clean my house.)
My heart is to eventually use my writing as an active source of income for my family and for furthering the Kingdom work in ministry. I am asking for your prayers, patience, love, and support.
I am a beginner on this journey, but the beginning is the very best place to start! No matter what, I am confident that I can do nothing without the strong arm of God guiding me and the embrace of my amazing community supporting me.
