"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s “own,” or “real” life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life—the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls one’s “real life” is a phantom of one’s own imagination.”
~ C.S. Lewis ~
My life lately seems to have taken an exhaustingly fast pace, and I keep feeling like I am missing out on a whole heck of a lot. Mainly because I cannot seem to breathe (or sleep for that matter) in between all the "interruptions."
I got ticked off at Jake last night. Poor guy's doing everything he can to provide for his family and get us out of debt and I have to haul him over the coals when he gets home from a late nighter at work.
You know, a part of me says to hell with him. (And yes, I am being completely honest. These words do slip into my mental vocabulary a lot more than they should. Forgive me for the lack of Christ-centeredness, but hear me out.) I want to throw in the towel and rant and rave. My "job" doesn't stop at five or six when he gets home. I don't have the luxury of turning off my "momma" career when I am too stressed or worn out by it.
I have lousy hours, very little time for myself, no sleep (I'm talking "quality"), very little appreciation, and I don't get bloody paid for it either.
So Jake comes home and tells me that our (apparently only my) weekend plans are shot to pieces because he volunteered to work a full 8 hour day on Saturday (that would be today). Garden is still not winterized, garage not swept, meal not planned for Bella's birthday party next weekend, house not cleaned, MOPS stuff not finished for Thursday, and laundry far from over.
To be fair, I did get bread made, my writing assignment finished, and applesauce cooked up, though I have another quarter bushel of apples left to finish. I cannot help but realize the glass is still three-quarters full of all the other things I had wanted to do this weekend, but really needed Jake's help to do it.
Actually, I really should be napping right now. I'm beyond tired and my body is protesting every action I take to stay awake. I am fearful of another bout with the cold or flu because my immune system is taking a continous beating. Unfortunately one of my two little angels has decided she doesn't need naps anymore. So I tossed her into her room for at least forty-five minutes so I could shut my eyes. It's difficult to accomplish a nap though, when I have fifty-million other things that need doing.
On the downside, I've pretty much already mentioned it all. It sucks sometimes, especially when dear hubby's been snoring away all night long, gets up and goes to work, and leaves exhausted me at home with two energetic and dependent children...then he comes home and falls a sleep in his meal and I'm left to wonder why my head won't shut up when my eyes are trying to close at eleven o'clock at night.
On the upside? Well, on the really good days that means a cup of hot tea (or coffee) and a book that I am either reading or writing while the kids (finally) take a good, simultaneous, two-hour nap. It means dear hubby comes home, takes one look at the sparkling house, hustles the kids off to bed, and gives me some "special" attention as a reward for all my hard labor. It means I've got someone (three someones) else to fight for and live for and dream for while I enjoy the laughter, tears, and craziness that life throws our way.
So here I go trying one more creative way to keep awake while popping multivitamins and vitamin C to boost the immunity. It's about time for that cup of tea and...oh look at that. A pleasantly clean mound of laundry about a mile high that needs folding.
Looks like the nap is a no-go again today. Maybe tomorrow...if it's a really good day! :-)